By Russell Omo

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Among the things that celebrate the splendor of humanity’s passion for compassion, nothing, and absolutely nothing, compares to that of the American Valentine’s Day. For it is on this one occasion that couples and lovers across the nation can celebrate the euphoria of being couples and lovers. But the old traditions have long since passed, and now a new age of Valentine’s has been ushered in, a time where love has been optimized and convenienced so that everyone can share in the romance.

No longer is there a need for us to write little notes or have to grow our own flowers to give to our lovers, or to take the time to make thought-out gifts. In this day and age of technology and the advent of consumerism, the martyrdom of these tedious tasks and trivial procedures are but a figment of archaism. With some money to spend, a sliver of time and a second of thought, the perfect Valentine’s Day can be crafted.

The traditional card has evolved from pen and paper and the painstaking time it takes to think of an original idea and even to that of the convenient mass production of drugstore holiday cards with charming pre-written messages. Everything can be digitized, including love. Perhaps this Valentine’s you should send your love a personal e-card to show your admiration. A handwritten letter with messy penmanship pales in comparison to a baboon wearing a pair of heart-shaped glasses saying the words, “I’m bananas for you.” The charm here is that baboons are known for having bananas as a part of their diet but at the same time, using the word “bananas” in this manner also connotes to “crazy.” It’s a nuance that a meager letter cannot achieve, unless by chance you have a skill in illustrating primates.

The spirit of Christmas giving has made its way to Valentine’s, making this day of romance also a day of anticipation where one can hope they will get the gift that wasn’t on sale during Black Friday. Flowers surely must have been a great gift to give centuries ago, but that’s only because Steve Jobs wasn’t there to bless the world with iPads. And unlike flowers that rot in less than a week, iPads last forever (or at least until the next model comes out).

And what is Valentine’s Day without chocolate? The definitive edible treat of love can be bought from reliable and trusted vendors, places such as the local Walmart, where the shelves are covered with pink and red colors of delectables that are safe for any wallet and hopefully, any stomach. But if M&Ms and Snickers bars aren’t what you or your lover are craving on Valentine’s, perhaps try a more exotic treat: a Valentine’s heart-shaped box of Jack Link’s Beef Jerky.

However, the true beauty of Valentine’s Day does not come from the gifts that lovers shower one another with, it comes from the fact that one is left out of the festivities. For those who don’t have partners, watching others enjoy their relationships will serve as a reminder of how fun love is and how lonely and empty their lives are in comparison and give them the extra motivation to go out and get someone to love and who will maybe love them back.

A person doesn’t even need to leave their home in order to experience Valentine’s because romantic comedies cover mostly every channel that tell the timeless stories of how Matthew McConaughey met a woman and how a woman met Matthew McConaughey.

This experience is best had with a bucket of ice cream and pondering thoughts of achieving nirvana and of what could have been. I should know. This is my plan for Valentine’s.