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Affection at every corner: What to expect this Valentine’s Day

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By Harlan Rose
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How often have you woken up from a (not so very) deep sleep and wanted desperately to go back? For me, that’s every day. But the desires to elicit just a few extra minutes of sleep pales in comparison to my want to simply sleep through this mushy holiday. Yes, it is Valentine’s Day, the one day of the year where awkward teenage romance escalates to an unprecedented level, where it seems to be everyone’s ultimate goal to “out-love” another couple.

Let me set something straight first. It’s not the actual holiday that I hate. It’s the way everyone acts on said holiday that I despise. And no, I’m not bitter because I’m single. I’m bitter because you can’t walk two steps without seeing some sort of lovey-dovey PDA take place. I mean, I live and breathe for seeing a make-out session in the staircase I use to get to my sixth period class.

As I lay in my bed, I stare at the ceiling, curiously dreading what types of romantic scenes I would see today. Sure, there will be the usual things I see every Valentine’s Day: the presentation of flowers to the significant other, usually accompanied by a store-bought card that has an additional last-minute note scrawled into it; heart-shaped containers filled with various chocolates; love songs blaring from every cell phone on campus; and, of course, a PDA at every turn. Staircases seem to be a preferred spot, as they’re somewhat secluded, but I suppose stealing a smooch in the middle of the sidewalk would be acceptable as well. All of this is expected.

But that’s when I remember: it’s prom season. What better way to make your significant other happy than by asking them to prom on the most heartfelt day of the year? Asking a your potential date to prom on any other day simply wouldn’t do. So naturally, since it’s the much-anticipated “Love Day,” the ante must be upped. Forget the small bouquet of flowers or the poster with a witty little pun, we’re talking hanging banners from the railings of the upper floors next to their class. We’re talking prom-posing over the intercom system. We’re talking – if you can manage it – asking them in front of the entire student body! If not in front of the whole school, at least inside the cafeteria during lunch. Not only will he or she be thrilled, all of your peers will fawn over your romantic efforts and many will envy the strength of your love, longing to have someone they could pull off such an amazing feat with.

It makes me wonder what happened to the phrase, “less is more.” Clearly, it’s been tossed aside. Extravagance is the best way to do things nowadays. How else can you ensure that your significant lover will be smitten by you forever? Love at first sight, true love, eternal love; this is what Valentine’s Day is all about, and we will go through every effort necessary to solidify our love.

I’m still lying in bed, mulling over all of this. Really, I’m dying to get to school today. I’m about to roll out of bed when a thought occurs to me. I pause, scrunch up my face, and then gasp. A small ray of hope flutters in and settles in my heart. Quickly, I grab my phone and check the date: “Sunday, February 14, 2016.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. But I know that teen couples everywhere are mourning over the fact that their romantic plans will never come to fruition. Oh well. Back to sleep.

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Affection at every corner: What to expect this Valentine’s Day