Beware and shop safe; the physical and mental dangers of Black Friday


By Minh Tu Ung
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This day is one of a kind. Although unofficial, Black Friday has become a sacred holiday in which families gather to enter themselves in what I call “The Test of Faith.” This “Test of Faith” is defined by how committed each customer is to their gift. Certainly, the madness that drives each shopper is fueled by the love they have for their family and friends and their need to get them the best present money can buy. Why not buy it when prices are insanely low and products are highly guaranteed to be defective? The latter isn’t true anyway, seeing how your dedicated protection of the product will prevent any possible risk, even from that other dedicated shopper who’s willing to pepper spray you for it. Theoretically, even if there was something slightly off with the product when you got it, at least you passed the Test of Faith by pushing that old lady down, right?

Now what do people do once they get their rightfully earned gift? Sometimes people get this thing called “Mine Syndrome.” They’ve yelled “mine!” so much that the purpose of gifting is lost. Unfortunate, isn’t it? But that’s the way Black Friday works. So people bring their T.V. or expensive pair of boots home, and they just completely disregard it as the product becomes obsolete, along with the many other things that they have from other shopping sprees, likely bought with discounted prices. But remember, no discounts are as good as Black Friday’s!   

Isn’t it great that so many stores participate in this wonderful event? They slash their prices with such generosity! This sacrifice even goes beyond the safety of their own workers, but that’s completely fine since the police are always there. I wonder why that is. Not to mention, their deals gather so many people together and inspire so much dedication and love in them. I admit, sometimes people go a little far, but that’s just a part of The Test of Faith, right? The stores who promote this must also greatly value the holiday spirit of giving by supporting this behavior. After all, this season is about sacrifice.

How can someone even think of missing this wonderful opportunity to buy things at super low prices? Do you know who’s going to be the coolest cousin ever? The one that got Sarah the pristine deluxe Cinderella set for only $5, that’s who. Now that shows dedication. It’s no wonder handmade gifts are becoming a rarity these days. What’s the point when you can just go to Black Friday? After all, Christmas is all about who can give the best and biggest gifts!

So what’s stopping you? Participate in this year’s Black Friday! And all the other years too! Get your loved ones the best presents ever, and even if you don’t like your family but you’re pressured into buying gifts, use “Mine Syndrome” as an excuse! It can happen to anybody, after all. So show your effort, and remember, if that guy behind you in line looks like he has a knife, pick up a bulletproof vest for just $10.99!